Posted by: Matt | June 13, 2007

Do Not Read This

This is your final warning. Leave now, do not proceed, the following ideas are subversive, I will not be held responsible for your actions, if you decide to continue you will read the thoughts of a blogger, a blasphemer.

Do you not know that blogging about books is forbidden? It is terrible, disgusting, stupid, unholy. I do not have the right, nay, the AUTHORITY, to write about books. That may only be done by The Literary Critic. It is only He/She that may express thoughts or critique literature. I may read books and maybe even talk about them, though I’m not sure on the talking bit, haven’t yet cleared that with The Literary Critic. He/She hasn’t replied to the comment I left on His/Her blog. That sort of thing is beneath Him/Her. There is to be no dialogue only monologue, instructions on what to think and what to read, what to enjoy and what is trash.

By putting one word to paper or website I am breaking the rules, rules handed down through generations from The First, The Great Literary Critic.

Thou shalt review books only if thou art ordained from on high.

Do not think about what you have read, your thoughts have already been decreed, written in the hallowed pages of newspapers and magazines. If you wish to know what you think of a book find the appropriate review. This may cause confusion because The Literary Critic tends to be ambiguous. No matter, remember your place, do not ask questions. Merely sit quietly and receive.

Most importantly, please do not review or blog about books. We must protect The Literary Critic. The Literary Critic is concerned only with perserving His/Her AUTHORITY. Not protecting the importance of literature. Not encouraging more people to read, to find the next great novel. He/She is only concerned with protecting the importance of Literary Criticism.

Remember, you have been warned.



  1. You know Imani at The Books of My Numberless Dreams wrote a similar post today. I’ve been thinking about blogging about this issue myself but I’ve been attempting to avoid my ever-growing bitter feelings for the now fashionable lit-blog bashing. It just boggles my mind that some of these critics and authors either fail to realize (or simply willfully ignore) the fact that the very people whom they bash are the same people who buy their books and read their articles. Apparently my time and money is welcome but- god forbid! – I should keep my ill-informed opinions and five year old crayon scratches on paper to myself.

    And I keep hearing this word “conversation” tossed around by critics. I wonder, since when is one person doing all the talking a conversation? But apparently they mean the conversation which occurs at the adults table. The rest of us should be happy at the little kids table and worship the scraps they decide to toss to us. Sigh. Ok, my rant’s over now. Sorry about that. : -)

  2. Ha! I think I’m going to steal parts of this for my “About” page (with appropriate attribution of course). Too, too funny. I’ve brought my crayola set, hope someone else got the play dough.

  3. Tomorrow, I’ll probably post about the death of print reviews panel I attended tonight. There was a lot of boo hooing.

  4. This is wonderful – wait, I mean, I have no opinion, what was that word you used ‘book?’ what’s that? I’ve certainly never picked one up, nor dared think about what might be inside it. Supposing I opened it, I mean. Which I most certainly did not. The Lit Crit hasn’t called to tell me which one to look at yet.

  5. Well, I had to read this as you said it was subversive 🙂
    Loved it!

  6. J.S. Peyton – No need to be sorry, I love to rant, usually too much! You’re right, critics are involved in anything but a conversation. Blogs are a true conversation which is why I enjoy them so much.

    imani – Glad you liked. It’s a good thing we have baby toys in the house for my daughter as I should probably just content myself by playing with those.

    marydell – Looking forward to your post, should be interesting.

    verbivore – Yes, please refrain from having any opinion. And I’m afraid The Literary Critic won’t be responding anytime soon so we’ll never know what to think.

    iliana – Well, don’t tell anyone about this, don’t want to be in trouble. 🙂 Remember, don’t name names.

  7. Great post and, er…great minds – it seems we have similar taste in titles. Mine is called “Blogging is not serious. Don’t Read This.” Loved your’s too!

  8. Great post – I’ve been following several other bloggers on this issue (oh wait – how could that be? Are bloggers allowed to have opinions on other subjects, or is there a club we’re supposed to belong to first?!?!?). If you have any other kid’s toys to share, I could use some (I don’t have kids) 🙂

  9. Ted – Good post, it is funny that our titles were so similar.

    Wendy – Thanks! Plenty of toys to go around!

  10. I actually just posted something on this as well. Great minds think alike!

  11. Yep, I don’t have the right either. Who do I think I am, anyway?!!

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